Weird, huh?

...I'm thinking that our daughter has been born.

Like, in the last couple of days. Weird, huh?

This whole process (the 2+ years that we've talked about, worked on and waited for this adoption), I have honestly never felt really connected. I can't describe it. Intellectually, I've understood the process and known it was gonna happen, but it just hasn't seemed "real." It has been a big part of my life, but it hasn't dominated it. I don't mean to minimize things, everyone experiences life in different ways, but this just hasn't been a big deal for me. I have desperately wanted this child, but in a peaceful way. (and that comment will likely not make sense to anyone but me...)

Oh, JB will tell you there have been a couple of times that I've gotten inside my own head and questioned if we were doing the right thing. I think most of those questions were driven out of my feeling of not really being connected. I've doubted bonding. I have stressed (stressed...REALLY STRESSED) over the adoption trip, and I've wondered if the kid was even gonna like me. But, looking back, I did all that with WB too. (OK...I didn't stress about a trip to pick him up, but rather how he was gonna come out of my body.) My little worries (and big worries) have seemed to help with my patience. They have served a purpose...the wait hasn't really bothered me.

But now something has changed. It is weird...it is like I know she is really "there"...she's really gonna happen for us.

I have a friend who delivered her son on the same day I delivered WB. We aren't close. The circumstances of her life are much different than mine...vastly different ages (read that, she's young, I'm old), different backgrounds, different lifestyles...everything is different about us...except our sons share the same birthday. Well...three days ago she gave birth to her second child and ever since then, I have felt...really FELT...that "she" is out there.

We've talked about this baby girl for two years...over TWO years. Her name has been carved in stone. She's had a place in our plans, a place in our conversations, a place in our future; but now, suddenly, she really has a place inside her mama's heart.

And now, powers that be, I am ready for a picture to go with all that.

Weird, huh?

Tooth Talkin' Trauma

So...WB has a 2nd grade dilemma. Teeth. (I know...2nd graders have big issues these days.)

It seems that the little girl in a neighboring desk, we'll call her Kim, has an aversion to teeth. According to WB, the mere mention of a tooth or two causes little Kim to scream hysterically for the teacher. Of course, this is the "boy" version and I can't be sure that he isn't teasing, poking, or antagonizing her in some way that he's not fessing up to.

None the less, I am thinking this is an easy one..."WB, just don't mention teeth. There are tons of other topics for your day. Just lay off the pearly whites. You know it upsets her, and I know you don't want to be mean, so just don't talk about TEETH."

"BUT MOM, how can I possibly go ALL year without talking about teeth? I have a loose tooth and when I wiggle it, Kim starts screaming for NO reason. FOR NO REASON! Will you please talk to Mrs. H about teeth talking and Kim's screaming for NO reason?"

Certainly dear...now that is a conversation I can look forward to for Monday. It should be really interesting to hear "the rest of the story." It's only the third week of school and kids lose a lot of teeth in second grade...poor little Kim may be in for a traumatic year!

Where's the Daddy When I Need Him?

Mama has certain skills. Skills that make her "da mama." She makes decisions, provides direction and discipline, cooks (doesn't clean enough), and above all provides the comfort and love that only da mama can. But, there are some things (lots actually) that da mama ain't very good at and in some ways, the gap between mother and son widens more every year.

Where do I begin? I'm not much for dinosaurs. At 4 years, WB was naming 30 different kinds of dinosaurs and identifying whether they were herbivores or carnivores. While I was insanely proud, I grew SO tired of those prehistoric creatures that Daddy became the permanent tucker because I couldn't stomach repeating one more dinosaur book!

Also..I can't transform. I don't transform. I am a transforming failure. I buy the blasted things, but I can't make the robot turn into a car. Ever. The year Daddy was away, WB got a huge beast-of-a-transformer for Christmas. Four hours of tears (mine not his) and frustration later, I resigned to take the stupid (stupid is a bad word) thing to work and have an engineer assemble the space ship. Transforming isn't an issue with Daddy here...he's a transforming genious!

Finally...what was I doing during all the science classes in my academic career? Nothing cements scientific ignorance like mothering a little boy. My little love is still of an age where he believes that da mama and Daddy know it all. (He has figured out that da mama can't fix it all, but he still has great confidence in Daddy.)

So tonight, Daddy is out of town and WB wants to talk about the meteor shower we are supposed to be able to see. (OK..so I did hear about it on the weather so I am feeling pretty knowledgeable...I'm game!) After his bath, we load down with bug spray, grab our pillows and head for the trampoline in the backyard. We had everything but the popcorn--we were ready for the show.

"Mama, show me all the constellations you see." (Ah...um...well, constellations...let's see...that would be natural science???)

"Baby, they all kinda look like the Big Dipper to me. What constellations do you see?" (Good save mama, I think you've fooled the bugger again!)

After half an hour, and no meteors (I knew we were early, but he still wanted to try), we retire for the night. WB is sad, "I wish I could have just seen one!", but tired and is quickly off to sleep.

Me...I'm off to Google constellations in anticipation of our next starry discussion. While I'm surfing, I also need the answer to, "Where is the tallest building in the world?" Hong Kong? Singapore? Heck, da mama doesn't know this stuff but I know that Daddy knows. That's the Daddy's job. And it is a job he does so well that I sometimes forget to tell him.

We miss you Daddy...and I promise, when baby girl arrives that you won't have to field the fashion and home ec questions and I'll never ask you to braid hair! Even though you will...cause that's how you are...and that's why you are our Daddy.

August Priorities

1. Maintain my household single-handedly - JB will be away most of the month which means my house truly suffers due to the loss of the main kitchen-cleaning, laundry-doing party. When he went to Afghanistan for a year I had to breakdown and hire a housekeeper once a week to maintain my sanity. My life is tremendously more complicated with out my dh...so I'll just have to suck it up. In addition to being gone this month, he'll have guard duty every weekend next month. It does complicate things, but it is a small price to pay compared to a year in Iraq which we appear to be missing (she says with fingers crossed.)


2. Enjoy all the one-on-one time with my little man. School starts on the 16th. It is sure to be a stressful time for him since he has a great dislike for school...structure, homework, rules.


3. Eat better and exercise - I am trying to limit my fat intake and exercise for 30 minutes a day. I really need to lost 30 (OK..50, but I'll take 30) pounds before I make this trip across the globe and my old bones and muscles need some stretching and attention.


4. Finalize my plans for this baby girl's room. (Hidden message to hopeful reader...I'm ready for "that" color green.)

Lots to do and nothing very exciting. All the while accepting the fact that there won't be any adoption news for me during the month of August. There has been a lot of activity recently, lots of referrals, and I am thinking we are headed for a little dry spell. We may hang out at #3 for a while. I guess that's OK though...I have a new list to occupy me.