Friday, May 11, 2007

It's the damn dog's fault..

Before I became a parent, I had a dog. Not just "a dog", I had the best dog in the world. You know, the kind of dog that really understands what you are saying. The kind of dog that feels your pain, senses your joy, and loves you with everything they have. His name was Chiyo. (Named after the grand champion Sumo from our life in Japan.)

I had never really wanted a dog, but JB did and since he wanted kids too and I was still in my "I'm never having children stage", I caved for a dog. (Knowing it had to be the lesser of two evils.) Four years into our marriage, we got a dog and everything changed. Chiyo became one of the greatest blessings of our lives. He taught me that I could love a dog, that there was a "mother" in me somewhere. He lead us to become parents.

Thirteen years into our marriage, after poking/prodding/waiting/crying, we were blessed with WB. Chiyo hung around to get us all started as a family and passed away before WB's third birthday. I miss him still....

And then..there was a little boy that wanted a dog. He wanted a dog more than a sister, but he compromised on the sister so that he could get a dog. Silly mommy, in a moment of weakness, I gave into a dog.

And now...there is a dog. A dog that I can't stand. A dog with no social grace, no manners, who only cares for my husband, and that pees on my living room floor if JB is away too long. I can't stand this dog. (I know, I've already said that...I want to make sure you get it...)

And now, I have doubts. I loved Chiyo and I can't (for the life of me) get attached to dog #2 in the same way. (Oh, and his name is Smore..because he looks like one.) I love WB, have from the instant I knew he was there, but what if I don't "feel" that same connection to my daughter? I didn't have these doubts before dog #2.

Families with referrals seem so attached to those photos....(I think that is INCREDIBLE and it is overwhelming for me to understand)...and I'm afraid I won't have that attachment and that scares me and it's the damn dog's fault.


Tricia & Kirk said...

I think everybody processes this differently. I think what you are feeling is very normal.

Nadra said...


Very real feelings. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. You'll be amazed how you feel when you know it's your child you are looking at.


jjm said...

Damn Dog!

Everybody attaches at different levels. My husband took one look at the first photo and instantly saw his child. I took one look at the same photo and saw somebody's baby. As things have progressed I have become more and more attached, but not to that first image. It's difficult to explain, but even though you are over the moon with your referral, you may or may not have an emotional connection to the photo. Either way, don't beat yourself up. You'll get there. I did.

Heather said...

It's a process and I agree with everyone else to not put to much pressure on yourself. I think someone wrote a post on the forum a while back that said, "The love will come." It's rare for humans to truly have love at first sight. For me, I attached to Sarah so much faster than Andrew because I did get pictures of a living, breathing child and had the intense longing during the wait. And, we didn't have other children distracting us. Andrew's adoption was sudden and I didn't have the lead-time and effort invested. Plus, he is a newborn that can't smile at me and let me know I am doing a good job at being a mommy. All that to say, it will its own time and way. Don't compare your feelings to others.

Adoption Timeline

  • 01/01/08 - Home at Last
  • 12/24/07 - G & R
  • 12/18/07 - Travel
  • 12/7/07 - Travel Packet/VISA Authorization
  • 12/06/07 - I-600 Approval
  • 11/16/07 - I-600 Received for Review
  • 09/26/07 - Referral
  • 03/23/07 - Log in Date
  • 02/23/07 - Dossier to Vietnam
  • 02/08/07 - Dossier to Agency
  • 08/08/06 - Switched to Vietnam Program from China Program